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Tema: Deja aqui tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

  1. #1111
    Moderador Avatar de Klópes
    Fecha de ingreso
    Jul 2005
    Ubicación
    Estuve el día que llovió en los Monegros
    Mensajes
    7,987

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    Cita Iniciado por daelon
    creo que ahora puedo soltar un xiste malisimo sin que se note demasiado ^^
    eeeh... ¡meJJJMMMM!
    Creo que sí se ha notado...
    ...y estaba superbueno.
    Y miré su perfil. Y vi que era amigo de Daniela. Puaf.


    Dos niñas en el parque

    no se elevará, nunca más

  2. #1112
    Criatura del oceano Avatar de daelon
    Fecha de ingreso
    Dec 2004
    Ubicación
    Madrid
    Mensajes
    2,414

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    jajajaja, vale vale, no estoy inspirado... además, eso no es un chiste... era una paranoia de esas que se dicen y uno las oye, y tiene la cabeza un poco ida... y.... vale, no sigo
    daelonik.com
    Daelon Game Art Tutorials

    Fotografidas daelonianas

    "Haz a los demas.. antes de que ellos me lo hagan a mi" Igor

  3. #1113
    Creador de tías buenas 3d Avatar de Shadow
    Fecha de ingreso
    Jan 2006
    Ubicación
    Granada, España
    Mensajes
    746

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    --Atención: humor simple--

    Estan un elefante una hormiga juntos cuando salta la hormiga:

    - Elefantito, elefantito, quieres que nos demos un bañito?
    - Elefantito, elefantito, quieres que juguemos a un jueguecito?
    - Elefantito, elefantito, leemos un ratito?

    El elefante cansado ya de tanto diminutivo salta muy cabreado:

    - Como me vuelvas a hablar en diminutivo te aplasto de un pisotón!

    Al rato el elefante le pregunta a la hormiga:

    - Eh hormiga, quieres cenar algo?

    Y la hormiga le contesta:

    - No gracias, no tengo apeto.

  4. #1114
    Ninja Fever Avatar de Mars Attacks
    Fecha de ingreso
    Jun 2003
    Ubicación
    Castellón
    Mensajes
    12,744

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    Jorge, lo digo por lo malo del chiste :P

    Éste de Shadow me ha molado mas. Daelon se merece una paliza, más que un baneo, para que no lo vuelva a hacer XD

  5. #1115
    Criatura del oceano Avatar de daelon
    Fecha de ingreso
    Dec 2004
    Ubicación
    Madrid
    Mensajes
    2,414

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    jajaja, Mars, que violento! shadow, lo había oído antes, pero esta muy bien!
    daelonik.com
    Daelon Game Art Tutorials

    Fotografidas daelonianas

    "Haz a los demas.. antes de que ellos me lo hagan a mi" Igor

  6. #1116
    degenerao visual.
    Fecha de ingreso
    Feb 2003
    Ubicación
    Londres
    Mensajes
    7,676

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    Robado de otro foro, esta en inglés y me da pereza traducirlo. Si no es verídico, debería serlo, como la historia del portaviones y el faro de Vigo

    The horror of blimps
    Last weeque while traveling I stopped at a Zany Brainy store and saw that they had a blimp for sale. It's called Airship Earth, and it's a great big balloon with a map of the Earth on it, and two propellers hanging from the bottom. You blow up the balloon with helium put batteries in it, and you have a radio control indoor blimp.

    I'd seen these things for sale in Sharper Image catalogs for $60-$75. At Zany Brainy it was on clearance for $15. What a deal!

    Last night my wife was playing tennis and it was just my daughter and I at home. I bought a small helium tanque from a party store, and last night we put the blimp together.

    Let me tell you, it's quite a blimp. It's huge. The balloon has like a 3 ft diameter.

    We blew it up with the tanque attached the góndola with the propellers, and put in batteries.

    Then we balanced the blimp for neutral buoyancy with this putty that came with it, so it hangs in the air by itself neither rising nor falling.

    It was easy and fun, and then I blew up another balloon and made Mickey Mouse helium voices for my daughter.

    My three year old girl loved it. We flew the blimp all over the house, terrorized the dog, attacked the fish tank, and the controls were so easy my daughter could fly.

    Let's face it, blimps are fun.

    Alas, the fun had to end and my daughter had to go to sleep. I left the blimp floating in my office downstairs, my wife came home, and we went to bed, and slept the sleep of the righteous.

    At this point it is important to know that my house has central heating. I have it configured to blow hot air out on the ground floor and take it in at the second floor to take advantage of the fact that heat rises.

    The blimp which was up until this moment a fun estoy here embarked on a career of evil. Using the artificial convection of my central heating, the blimp stealthily departed my office. It moved silently through the living and drifted to the staircase. Gliding wraith like over the staircase it then entered the bedroom where my wife and I lay sleeping peacefully.

    Running silently, and gliding six feet or so above the ground on invisible and tiny air corrects it approached the bed.

    In spite of it's noiseless passage, or perhaps because of it, I awoke. That doesn't really say it properly. Let me try again.

    I awoke, the way you awake at 2:00 AM when your sleeping senses suddenly tell you without reason that the forces of evil on converging on you.

    That still doesn't do it. Let me try one more time.

    I awoke the way you awake when you suddenly know that there is a large levitating sinister presence hovering toward you with menacing intent through the malignant darkness.

    Now sometimes I do wake up in the middle of the night thinking that there are large sinister and menacing things floating out of the darkness to do me and mine evil. Usually I open my eyes, look and listen carefully, decide it was a false alarm, and go bak to sleep.

    So, the fact that I awoke in such a manner was not all that unusual.

    On this occasion I awoke to the sense that there was a large menacing presence approaching me silently out of the gloom, so I opened my eyes, and there it was! A LARGE SILENT MENACING PRESENCE WAS APPROACHING ME OUT OF THE GLOOM, AND IT COULD FLY!!!

    Somewhere in the control room of my mind a fat little dwarf in a security outfit was paging through a Penthouse while smoking a cigar with his feet up on the table, watching the security monitors of my brain with his peripheral visión. Suddenly he saw the LARGE SILENT SINISTER MENACING FLOATING PRESENCE coming at me, and he pulled every panic switch and hit every alarm that my body has. A full decade's allotment of adrenaline was dumped into my bloodstream all at once. My metabolism went from "restful sleep mode" to HOLY ****! FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE OR DIE! mode" in a nanosecond. My heart went from twenty something beats per minute to about 240 even faster.

    I always knew this was going to happen. I always knew that skepticism and science were mere psychological decorations and vanities. Deep in our alligator brains we all know that the world is just chok full of evil and monsters and sinister forces aligned against us, and it is only a matter of time until they show up. Evolution know this, too. It knows what to do when the silent terror comes at you from out of the dark.

    When 50 million years worth of evolutionary survival instinct hits you all at once flat in the gut at 200 mph it is not a pleasant sensation.

    Without volition I screamed my battle cry (which is indistinguishable to the sound a little girl makes when you drop a spider down her dress (not that I'd know what that sounds like,) and lept out of bed in my underwear.

    I struk the approaching menace with all my strength and almost fell over at the total lak of resistance that a helium balloon offers when you punch the living **** out of it with all the strength that sudden middle of the night terror produces.

    It's trajectory took it straight into the ceiling fan which whipped it about the room at terrifying velocity.

    Seeking a weapon, I ripped the alarm clok out of its plug and hurled it at the now High Velocity Menacing presence (breaquíng the clok and putting a nice hole in the wall.)

    Somehow at this moment I suddenly realized that I was fighting the blimp, and not a monster. It might have been funny if I didn't truly and actually feel like I was having a legitimate heart-attack.

    On quivering legs I went to the bathroom and literally gagged into the toilet while shaquíng uncontrollably with the shok of the reaction I'd had.

    Unbelievably, both my wife and daughter had completely slept through the incident. When I decided that I wasn't having a heart attak after all I went bak into the bedroom and found the blimp which had somehow survived the incident.

    I took it to the walque in closet and released it inside where it floated around with the air currents released from the vents in there. I closed the door, this sealing it in, and went bak to bed. About 500 years later I fell asleep.

    ***

    At about 7 am my wife awoke. She had been playing tennis and wasn't aware that we have assembled the blimp the previous evening, and that is was now floating around the the walk-in closet that she approached.

    The dynamic between the existing air currents of the closet and the suction caused by opening the door was just enough to give the blimp the appearance of an Evil Sinister Menace flying straight toward her.

    This time the blimp did not survive the encounter, nor almost, did I, as I had to explain to my very angry spouse what motivated me to hide an evil lurking presence in the closet for her to find at 7 am.

    I can order replacement balloons on the Internet but I don't think I will.

    Some blimps are better off dead.
    You’re Not Deep
    You’re Not An Intellectual
    You’re Not An Artist
    You’re Not A Critic
    You’re Not A Poet
    You Just Have Internet Access

  7. #1117
    ¡¡UEEEHE!! ¡¡HAAA!! Avatar de Sr. Floppy
    Fecha de ingreso
    Dec 2004
    Ubicación
    Entre Pinto y Valdemoro
    Mensajes
    1,568

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    El siguiente es más viejo y malo que la hostia...

    ¿Como se dice cachonda en vasco?







    Eligoletxorrea
    El dia que veas a un Juez...........Sal corriendo.

  8. #1118
    Creador de tías buenas 3d Avatar de Shadow
    Fecha de ingreso
    Jan 2006
    Ubicación
    Granada, España
    Mensajes
    746

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    La historia del dirigible ( porque blimp es dirigible, verdad?) podría ser el guión perfecto para un corto, jeje.

    Y bastante bien el de Floppy!

  9. #1119
    Blendemoniado Avatar de GEKKONIDAE
    Fecha de ingreso
    Mar 2006
    Ubicación
    MÁLAGA
    Mensajes
    3,649

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    Esto es un vasco que entra en una papelería y dice:
    -Deme un mapamundi de Euskadi

    Esto es un tío que va al dentista y le dice:
    -Doctor,que es lo mejor para los dientes amarillos?
    -y le dice
    - Una corbata marrón

  10. #1120
    Ninja Fever Avatar de Mars Attacks
    Fecha de ingreso
    Jun 2003
    Ubicación
    Castellón
    Mensajes
    12,744

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    Lo del dirigible es genial, estoy llorando de la risa :D

  11. #1121
    Senior Member
    Fecha de ingreso
    Dec 2005
    Mensajes
    827

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    Chiste malo:

    - ¿Que tiene un chino entre las piernasí






    - Un tirachinas
    (No me baneeis)

  12. #1122
    Senior Member Avatar de Pit Matson
    Fecha de ingreso
    Jun 2005
    Ubicación
    En el limbo de 3dpoder
    Mensajes
    6,517

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    Pues no te banearan porque son buena gente...

    ...pero es malo de cojones, qué barbaridad
    Pit Matson dejó de existir en su mensaje 5.999

  13. #1123
    Moderador Avatar de gremil
    Fecha de ingreso
    Feb 2004
    Ubicación
    Onda - Castellón
    Mensajes
    4,190

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    el tirachinas, creo que este ya estaba puesto y este también:

    ¿Que tiene una britanica entre las piernasí

    El Corte Inglés

    Hey Pit, baneo total
    Última edición por gremil; 31-03-2006 a las 19:01

  14. #1124
    tiruri.... Avatar de RavenX
    Fecha de ingreso
    Apr 2005
    Ubicación
    Valencia
    Mensajes
    3,159

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones


    QUE BUENO MESH! Estoy hasta llorando de la risa!!
    En la vida se pueden hacer muchas cosas.
    Después ya no.

  15. #1125
    Senior Member Avatar de Pit Matson
    Fecha de ingreso
    Jun 2005
    Ubicación
    En el limbo de 3dpoder
    Mensajes
    6,517

    Re: Deja aquí tu chiste, no se admiten devoluciones

    Xxxxdddd
    Pit Matson dejó de existir en su mensaje 5.999

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