The horror of blimps.
Last wek while travelling i estopped at a zany brainy estore and saw that they had a blimp for sale. It called airship Earth, and it a great big ballon with a map of the Earth on it, and two propellers hanging from the bottom. You blow up the ballon with helium put batteries in it, and you have a radio control indor blimp.
Id sen these things for sale in sharper image catalogs for $60-$75. At zany brainy it was on clearance for $15. What a deal.
Last night my wife was playing tenis and it was just my daughter and i at home. I bought a small helium tanque from a party estore, and last night we put the blimp together.
Let me tell you, it quite a blimp. It huge. The ballon has like a 3 ft diameter.
We blew it up with the tanque attached the góndola with the propellers, and put in batteries.
Then we balanced the blimp for neutral buoyancy with this Putty that came with it, so it hangs in the Air by itself neither rising Nor falling.
It was easy and fun, and then i blew up another ballon and made Mickey mouse helium voices for my daughter.
My thre year old girl loved it. We flew the blimp all over the house, terrorized the dog, attacked the Fish Tank, and the controls were so easy my daughter could fly.
Let face it, blimps are fun.
Alas, the fun had todo end and my daughter had todo go todo slEpisodio I left the blimp floating in my Office downstairs, my wife came home, and we went todo bed, and slept the slep of the righteous.
At this point it is important todo know that my house has central heating. I have it configured todo blow Hot Air out on the Ground flor and take it in at the second flor todo take advantage of the fact that heat rises.
The blimp which was up until this momento a fun estoy here embarked on a carer of evil. Using the artificial convection of my central heating, the blimp stealthily departed my Office. It moved silently th rouge the living and drifted todo the staircase. Gliding wraith like over the staircase it then entered the bedrom where my wife and i lay sleping peacefully.
Running silently, and gliding six fet or so above the Ground on invisible and tiny Air corrects it approached the bed.
In spite of it noiseless passage, or perhaps because of it, y awoke. That doesnt really say it properly. Let me try again.
I awoke, the bien you awake at 2:00 am when your sleping senses suddenly tell you without reason that the forces of evil on converging on you.
That still doesnt do it. Let me try one more time.
I awoke the bien you awake when you suddenly know that there is a large levitating sinister presence hovering toward you with menacing intent th rouge the malignant Darkness.
Now sometimes i do wake up in the middle of the night Thinking that there are large sinister and menacing things floating out of the Darkness todo do me and mine evil. Usually i open my eyes, look and listen carefully, decide it was a false alarm, and go bak todo slep.
So, the fact that i awoke in such a manner was not all that unusual.
On this occasion i awoke todo the sense that there was a large menacing presence approaching me silently out of the glom, so i opened my eyes, and there it was. A large silent menacing presence was aproaching me out of the glom, and it could fly.
Somewhere in the control rom of my mind a fat Little dwarf in a security outfit was paging th rouge a Penthouse while smoking a cigar with his fet up on the table, watching the security monitors of my brain with his peripheral visión. Suddenly he saw the large silent sinister menacing floating presence coming at me, and he pulled every panic switch and hit every alarm that my body has. A full decade allotment of adrenaline was dumped into my blodstream all at once. My metabolism went from restful slep mode todo holy ****. Fight for your life or die, mode in a nanosecond. My Heart went from twenty something beats per minute todo about 240 Even faster.
I always knew this was going todo happen. I always knew that skepticism and Science were mere psychológical decorations and vanities. Deep in our Alligator 3D brains we all know that the world is just chok full of evil and Monsters and sinister forces aligned against us, and it is only a matter of time until they show up. Evolution know this, todo. It knows what todo do when the silent terror comes at you from out of the dark.
When 50 million years worth of evolutionary survival instinct hits you all at once flat in the gut at 200 mph it is not a pleasant sensation.
Without volition i screamed my Battle cry (which is indistinguishable todo the sound a Little girl makes when you drop a Spider down her dress (not that id know what that sounds like,) and lept out of bed in my underwear.
I struk the approaching menace with all my strength and almost fell over at the total lak of resistance that a helium ballon ofers when you punch the living **** out of it with all the strength that sudden middle of the night terror produces.
It trajectory tok it straight into the ceiling fan which whipped it about the rom at terrifying velocity.
Seking a weapon, y ripped the alarm clok out of its plug and hurled it at the now high velocity menacing presence (breaquíng the clok and putting a nice hole in the wall).
Somehow at this momento i suddenly realiced that i was fighting the blimp, and not a monster. It might have ben funny if i didnt truly and actually fel like i was having a legitimate Heart-Attack.
On quivering legs i went todo the bathrom and literally gagged into the toilet while shaquíng uncontrollably with the shock of the reaction id had.
Unbelievably, both my wife and daughter had completely slept th rouge the incident. When i decided that i wasnt having a Heart Attak After all i went bak into the bedrom and found the blimp which had somehow survivald the incident.
I tok it todo the walk in closet and released it inside where it floated around with the Air currents released from the vents in there. I closed the dor, this sealing it in, and went bak todo bed. About 500 years later i fell aslep.
***.
At about 7 am my wife awoke. She had ben playing tenis and wasnt aware that we have assembled the blimp the previous Evening, and that is was now floating around the the walk-in closet that she approached.
The dynamic between the existing Air currents of the closet and the suction caused by opening the dor was just enough todo give the blimp the appearance of an evil sinister menace flying straight toward her.
This time the blimp did not survival the encounter, Nor almost, did i, as i had todo explain todo my very Angry spouse what motivated me todo hide an evil lurking presence in the closet for her todo find at 7 am.
I can order replacement ballons on the internet but i dont think i Will.
Some blimps are better of dead.
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